By K.C. Kless
Given that March is named after the Roman god of war, has this reputation for “coming in like a lion”, and that war is being chosen over peace in Ethiopia, Afghanistan, Yemen, Myanmar, and now Ukraine, I intended to teach a month-long series on ahimsa (non-violence), the first yama in Patañjali’s teachings. We began the series at the World Peace Yoga studio and in the Zoom room on Tuesday, March 1st. I centered our practice around a quote from Deborah Adele: “Our ability to be non-violent towards others is directly related to our ability to be non-violent within ourselves.”
Oh how incomplete my understanding was! There was violence happening each day inside my head – I was having small seizures called ‘focal seizures.’ These were occurring in the auditory and emotion portions of my brain, strange deja vu sensations and sad songs. I thought this issue was a mental health one, so I have been getting online therapy. As it turns out, it was far more physical and chemical. On Wednesday evening, March 2nd, I had the kind of seizure that violently knocks you unconscious. I turned purple and my wife Rachel performed CPR. On the ambulance ride to the hospital, I had another seizure. Eventually I made my way to Jewish Hospital in Kenwood for access to Mayfield Brain and Spine neurosurgeons.
So far, the anti-seizure medication is working. I feel mentally much better. And I am going to be discharged on the day I write this (March 9th).
Multiple MRIs showed that there is a significant mass on my left temporal lobe. It is most likely the cause of seizures. It is the source of the violence within me.
On Tuesday, March 8th, I had a stereotactic biopsy. That’s a type of brain surgery to investigate the mass. Yes, that means my skull had be harmed. You can learn more about it here.
Initial reports are that all went according to plan – the biopsy was successful at getting tissue samples out. So now we play the waiting game – the samples will be evaluated by Mayo Clinic pathologists in Minnesota. We will know more about that in a week to ten days. This is a great opportunity to circle back to Adele’s quote – waiting can become violent if we allow it to do so, based on our mindset. Or we can trust that everything is ‘okay’ in the present moment, practicing sutra 1.2:
-I am not having a seizure right now.
-I am able to hug my wife and kids again.
-I can breathe in and breathe out.
-I believe in the expertise and the humanity of the people who are taking care of me.
-I am grateful for the amazing technology of medicine – that a pill can stop the violence in my brain temporarily, that MRIs can create a 3D map of my entire head to help doctors keep my personality, blood vessels, memories, speech, breathing, vision, heartbeat, and many other things out of harm’s way, that experts can test the tissue samples and determine how they are growing, causing or not causing harm.
As time passes, I will continue practicing ahimsa. Swami Satchidananda’s English translation of sutra 2.35 (the sutra that explains ahimsa) is as follows:
“In the presence of one firmly established in ahimsa/non-violence, all hostilities cease.” I am choosing to keep a non-violent attitude toward my medical and life situation, and therefore I have a chance at it being non-violent toward me. I feel so lucky to be alive and so grateful to have been embraced and taught by wonderful humans in the practice of yoga – how you relate to highs and lows, successes and struggles, and in my current situation, traumatic and sudden medical challenges.
Every human who is connected with the World Peace Yoga community means something unique to me, so that’s why I’m sharing all of this with you. If you want to reach out to me, you can always email [email protected]. If you would like updates on me from a World Peace Yoga teacher at the studio, please connect with Patrick Borders.
Hopefully I will see you soon in person or in the Zoom room.
Peace & Love,
-K.C.
P.S. Also I might have a really cool Harry Potter scar from when I smacked my head on the kitchen table. ⚡️
UPDATE: Please visit the CaringBridge site K.C. has set up for updates or to see how you may assist him and his family: https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/klessk
